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Journey to the Roots: A Quest for Identity

Exploring Ancestral Legacies and Personal Growth Through Psilocybin

Have you ever tried psilocybin? Personally, I did as part of my studies in transpersonal psychology, and it greatly broadened my horizons. During one of these inner journeys that this substance enables, I relived the story of my ancestors, men from the north of Europe, seeking to conquer new territories. They settled in Spain three or four generations ago, drawn by the hope of new lands at the end of the nineteenth century, fleeing poverty for Algeria. In my vision, these men were warriors, and they established themselves on this land burning with heat, with intense colors.

Belonging to an Ancestral Lineage

Following this experience, I decided to continue my nomadic life, with the intuition that it was time to reconnect with my roots. This is how I headed to Valencia, where I immediately felt at ease. I wanted to find my roots.

We all belong to an ancestral lineage, carrying values, even if we have not personally known those who preceded us. Within the same family, several lineages co-exist, coming from either the father or the mother or their parents, and in a sibling group, some may identify with different currents, explaining the divergences within the same family.

Therefore, we all inherit the values of the lineage of ancestors to which we are attached, but also its wounds or unresolved traumas. For astrology enthusiasts, it’s the asteroid Chiron that indicates where this wound is located. In my astrological chart, Chiron is in house one, suggesting a journey of self-discovery. I had to face the restrictions of my childhood, in an environment marked by fear and war, which pushed me to withdraw into myself. Unconsciously, I sought a personal meaning to existence, which resulted in missions in developing countries. But, since this spiritual journey under psilocybin, I have felt the need to travel not for professional reasons, but to discover myself, share my experience, and help all those in search of identity.

Searching for my Roots

I have not directly known any of my ancestors; I barely remember my paternal grandmother dying in a hospice. My grandfathers died before my birth from the aftermath of World War I, and I was too young to remember my maternal grandmother, who died when I was two years old. I know nothing of their birthplaces. The little information I could gather comes from my parents’ birth certificates, difficult to read and providing no precise information about my grandparents, except for their Spanish-sounding names. My mother told me they had emigrated from Spain, from the regions of Valencia and Ibiza in the 19th or early 20th century. That’s why I find myself in Spain today, retracing the path in reverse.

For a long time, I felt reluctance towards this country, imagining its reactions as extreme. With the motto “blood and gold,” it seemed to me that Spain’s history was marked by violence materialized through sometimes bloody conquests. I needed to discover which part was dream or reality in this representation. Would I recognize myself in this modern Spain, about which I had heard so much during my youth?

Connecting to one’s lineage allows us to know who we are, to understand the values that are dear to us, and to find our place. In other words, to know who we are to become who we want to be. This involves acceptance, research, listening, constant questioning, and humility.

Conclusion

I do not know what I will find during this journey, probably a part of myself. I only know that with the start of this third phase of my life, it was necessary to go in search of my past.

 

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