“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: some things are within your control. And others are not. Only after you accept this fundamental rule and learn to distinguish between what you can and cannot control does a state of inner tranquility and outer efficiency become possible.” Epictetus.
The process
Use this process when you feel stressed, unhappy, pressured, or nervous.
Identify the problem
Face it and name what isn't working for you.
Analyze the causes
What can and cannot you control about this problem? List the causes in both cases. Use the table on the next page as a guide to creating your own list.
Take action
If you've decided something is out of your control, focus your attention on what you think is. For example, if you wake up at 3:00 a.m. about a meeting that's scheduled for 10:00 a.m. the next day, get up and meditate, then visualize yourself in that meeting, calm and relaxed.
Some examples
You can't control what will happen in the future, and worrying about it certainly won't make things better. But you can take responsibility for your state of mind here and now and direct your attention toward the outcome you want to create.
So if you're worried about something that's within your control, stop worrying and take action.
| What is under your control | What is not under your control |
| Believe or analyze my thoughts Feeling or controlling my feelings The way I respond to my feelings How I respond to other people's emotions The way I respond to other people's thoughts The level of action to achieve the goals The way I take care of myself What I say to influence people When I choose to go somewhere What I choose to wear Seeking medical advice from other people Taking care of others Make amends My happiness Act for the environment Create something My interest in others My concern about things and people Arriving on time My responsiveness Choosing not to listen to gossip Choosing where I work My own judgments about myself Boundaries with my children | My thoughts My feelings My feelings Other people's emotions Other people's thoughts The actions of others towards their own goal How others take care of themselves Other people's choices Traffic jams The weather Getting old, getting sick, dying The love of others for me My past behavior The happiness of others Climate change How people will react to my creations How others will be interested in me Other people's concern about things and people The fact that others arrive on time The responsiveness of others Other people's gossip The behaviors and values of a society The judgments of others about me My children's behavior |
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