Finding or regaining self-confidence after a loss or a shock, such as a confrontation with a negative or critical person, is not easy. In this article, I'd like to share what I've learned.
We all share the same automatisms. When faced with a threatening situation, we react by fleeing, fighting, or staying put. However, to achieve a certain balance and inner well-being, it is important to become aware of our automatisms, which are not always appropriate, and to move from the automatic mental mode to the prefrontal mental mode, in other words, to the "situation mastery" mode. This allows us to understand, without guilt, the meaning of our suffering or what went "wrong" in a relationship.
What neuromanagement brings
This is what I do by applying neuromanagement techniques. But what is neuromanagement, you might ask? Neuromanagement uses neuroscience to become aware of a situation and respond appropriately. It is a behavior decoding system developed from observing how the brain functions, which follows the following pattern:
Objective: to overcome emotions and automatic thoughts and take a step back by becoming aware of our beliefs and changing them. Neuromanagement will allow us to move from an instinctive reaction dominated by survival intelligence to a posture of retreat calling on spiritual intelligence. Not everyone reacts the same way to a situation.
Importance of self-knowledge
If the above diagram applies to everyone, each person's personality will mean that the amplitude of reactions will be different from one individual to another: Some personalities are more instinctive, others more emotional or more reflective. Our behaviors depend on our personality, in particular our primary personality, our essence. This primary personality is the result of one, or even several, dominant traits, among the ten dominant traits that make up a personality, these being able to oppose each other two by two.
Primary and secondary personalities
Added to this are secondary personalities. They form beyond the first three months of birth, under the influence of both the family, cultural, and then social environment, and the pre-existing terrain constituted by the primary personality. The resulting secondary personality is subject to what Skinner called "operant conditioning." But as with all conditioning, the secondary personality can evolve. It can be "deprogrammed" because it is acquired and not innate. Secondary personalities can come into conflict with primary personalities, hence the problems of self-confidence because we are divided. In other words, there can be an internal conflict of values between what we believe and what we have been told we should believe. Here too, awareness of our secondary personalities is essential to our well-being because how can we change something we do not know or how can we rely on a force of which we are not aware?
How to regain self-confidence
This requires self-knowledge. Many tools can help with this: astropsychology, personality tests, or even working on values.
This also involves becoming aware of the values we hold dear. For this, I use the 'red thread' exercise: it involves identifying the key, significant moments in a life and rediscovering the emotions and feelings at that moment, and finally understanding that past reaction.
Other approaches that fall under transpersonal or somatic psychology allow us to work on belief systems or traumas that we are often unaware of.
Finally, hypnosis gives good results. Try it.
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